Reaction Mode: Are you Meeting your Needs?

It can be very frustrating going through life trying to get your Needs met by others without satisfaction. This can feel like an emotional roller coaster at times if you are continually expecting others to meet your Needs.

Notice whether you have ever communicated your Needs to the people important in your life because it is easy to assume they should know what your Needs are if they care and love you. Everyone has different Needs and it is imperative that you communicate these to stop any unfulfilled expectations you may have.

The first step to getting your Needs met is to become aware about what they are. The next step is to take responsibility in meeting your own Needs and also to communicate these with the people you feel safe with, who will help you get them met.

Once you begin to get your Needs met on a regular basis, there will come a time when you will notice your Needs will automatically be met because you have set up your life in a way that you, and the people around you, will support, encourage and believe in you and your goals.

Between your Stimulus and your Response

YOU have the power to CHOOSE.

I would like to take you through the journey I took when first identifying my Needs. This was at the time in my life when I was going through a divorce and recreating my own vision as a single woman taking a good look at what was truly important to me. I was also in transition of setting up my international coaching business with the intention of getting off to a strong start according to my life and business vision, values and passion to create a sustainable business.

In answering the Getting your Needs Met questions, I must say that I did find this quite a challenge because I had to get honest with myself about what I truly needed in my life, to be my best. As I became more aware of what my Needs were, I then took responsibility in communicating what I needed and set up my life automatically for these to be met.

List of Needs

Approval
Being valued
Fulfillment
Love
Security
Respect
Sincerity
Recognition
Communication
Comfort
Being taken care of
Honesty
Inclusion
Accomplishment
Listened to
Feeling worthy
Clarity
Peace
Being needed
Control
Affecting others
Being cared about
Prosperity
Balance
Consistency
Luxury
Power
Safety
Acknowledgement
Compliments
Being busy
Pleasing others
Performance

A need is not a want, a wish or a should. It is something you need in order to be your best and to live your life to your fullest potential.

A tip on how to identify your needs is to look into your life and notice where you may react, for example, turn away from people, get angry, gossip, withhold love, not communicate something that is bothering you, not being totally honest, feel disrespected etc.

Getting your Needs Met

List your top 4 Needs and answer the following questions.

  • Why is this Need important for it to be my personal Need?
  • When I get this Need met, who do I become and how do I act?
  • How do I feel about myself, about others and about life when I do not get this Need met?
  • Where am I getting this Need met and where am I not getting this need met?
  • What 3 changes am I willing to make to get this Need fully met?

It is important to know that we all have Needs at different times in our lives. Every 12 months I redo the Needs questions to see if there are any Needs I feel I want to focus on to be at my best consistently. So if you find yourself reacting to a situation in your life, there will always be an unmet Need just under the surface screaming to be met. This is a great time to sit down and identify what that need is and answer the questions on Getting your Needs Met.

Summary in Getting your Needs Met

  1. List your top 4 Needs.
  2. Answer the 5 questions outlined in Getting your Needs Met section.
  3. Design an automatic reminder based on Question 5: actions on getting your Needs met with support of a trusted friend, family member or coach.

If you are ready to breakthrough reaction mode and get your needs met faster than what you would on your own, contact me to discuss your requirements http://annettestanton.com/contact/

Annette Stanton 
With over 35 years experience being on the leading edge, Master Coach, Transformational Leader, Speaker, Author of The Power of Vision – I am passionate about coaching you to gain clarity of vision, develop confidence to unleash your full potential and live with freedom in your personal and business life.

Looking for Better Ways to Manage your Time!

One of the challenges I often hear inside of coaching conversations is ‘how do I fit it all in?’ They are looking for better ways to manage their time.

Time management challenges often arise when you:

  • Over commit yourself to take actions in an underestimated time frame and with an unrealistic ‘to do list’.
  • Say ‘yes’ to everyone and everything, not wanting to let people down.
  • Do not take time out for yourself, feelings of guilt if you do have 5 minutes to spare.

There is no such thing as time management because no one can manage time. What you can manage is the choice of actions you take during your day. This is the distinction between time management and self-management.

When you manage what is most important to you, based on your values first, this will always give you space, time and energy to achieve the other important things to you.

The three most common areas we let go of when the ‘busy cycle’ appears are

  1. Exercise
  2. Quality time with loved ones
  3. Time-out for self

Imagine if you looked after all these first as a priority. Think how great you would feel with more energy and focus to take care of new habits you would like to create. I notice that whenever the higher percentage of my focus is on my business projects, my exercise routine gets pushed to one side. As soon as I become conscious about this and start to pick up the exercise routine, my business projects become more creative, with a natural flow about them.

With this awareness of what it brings me, I make sure that I maintain an exercise routine that suits me, my schedule, quality time with loved ones and make time for my self-care. I am a much better person to be around when I do this and life seems to flow with ease.

The 3 Steps to Self Management: Breaking it down

  • Personal Foundations
  • Business Foundations
  • Time Out for Self

Planning your time is often a combination of tasks scheduled in your diary and a to-do list for you to get around to when you have spare time. The more you can schedule the most important things, as well as your daily tasks, into your diary, with a time and date set against each one, the more likely it is that you’ll achieve them.

A big tip is to leave plenty of white space scheduled in your diary, to manage the unexpected, or things you may have forgotten about in your day. This is normally a challenge for most people, as you are trying to fit so much into your day and invariably wonder how you can ever leave ‘white space’ in between scheduling.

“My challenge to you is to ‘give it a go’ for at least 30 days
and notice what happens. Do the important things first aligning
your actions with your vision and values.”

Every Friday afternoon I sit down with my weekly schedule list and place every activity into my diary against an allocated time. This also includes the inspired action steps for my committed goals. Create your own self-management plan by filling out the weekly schedule below, using the 3 breakdown steps.

Personal Foundations covers all areas that are important to you for developing a healthy and happy foundation, e.g. quality time in relationships, exercise, shopping, family time etc.

Business Foundations covers all roles and responsibilities, required to be completed on a weekly and monthly basis, e.g. weekly meetings, accounts, client contact calls etc.

Time Out for Self covers what is important to you based on personal development and time-out for yourself to recharge your batteries, e.g. reading personal and professional development books, meditation, journal writing etc.

Coaching Challenge

Write down where you are currently spending your time. Then make a list of the things you always say you would like to be doing that you don’t get around to. It could be something that you have always wanted to Be, Do or Have, e.g. learn to dance, more time with family, socialise with friends, begin a sustainable exercise program you enjoy.

Fill out your weekly schedule, including all the areas in your life where you spend your time and what you would like to spend more time doing. Then place these in your diary with an allocated time and date. All you need to do is follow your diary knowing that every action you take is in direct alignment with your vision and values.

Remember to leave plenty of white space for creativity and spontaneity.

If you are looking for a professional coach as your sounding board to clarify your direction and partner you in realizing your vision and goals faster than what you would on your own, contact me to discuss your requirements http://annettestanton.com/contact/

Become an Influential Leader who Inspires Others

Let’s talk about leadership, and more importantly; what influential leadership is really all about.

I was speaking with a business leader last week at a networking function and when the discussion of leadership came up, this woman put her hand on her heart and said to me “true leadership is from the inside out”. She is absolutely right.

Are you being the ‘leader of your ship’ in your personal and professional life?

When I approach this subject inside a coaching conversation, the perception of what leadership is to each individual is varied and wide. Some of the most common responses are:  being a strong communicator to lead others effectively, clarity in making quick decisions, a clear direction in business, control and authority of team effectiveness.

Yes, absolutely these traits play a big part in being an influential leader, yet there are paramount qualities that most business leaders do not take the time to acquire.

Many leaders have been trained a certain way and have taken the role as a leader without becoming aware of their own evolving path. In other words, trying to work harder with new knowledge and new actions, expecting new results.

I continually witness leaders hitting the glass ceiling because they are taking new action that is not sustainable to the success of their vision and mission.

Now is the time for leaders to challenge the status quo and step into the revolutionary leadership style in order to bust through the glass ceiling for good.

What seems to be overlooked when it comes to becoming an influential leader is knowing who you are, what your inspiring vision is and taking right action in accordance with your powerful why.

Influential leadership is all about you knowing yourself well enough with a strong personal and professional foundation, so much so, that others are affected just by who you are ‘being’. Become mindful of your actions and the words you speak as they play a major part in being an inspiring, persuasive and innovative leader.

Have you ever met someone, and before you have spoken to them, you just know there is something about them that seems impressive and stands out from the crowd? This is called ‘presence’. Those leaders with great presence will be on the leading edge of this revolutionary leadership path.

In the busy, fast pace of business and life today, standing out from the crowded market in an authentic and connected manner is paramount. Leaders are evolving very quickly and if they are not consciously connected with who they are, why you do what you do, and what makes you unique; you will get left behind.

There are 7 top qualities that the most influential leaders throughout the world utilise, giving them the edge as an influential leader who naturally inspires others.

1 Direction

Influential leaders all have the developed trait of self-direction. They have created a game plan for their whole life. They have a clear vision and mission and have set goals based on their values and consistently work towards them until they are achieved. Identify what your self-direction is and create a plan on how to achieve it.

2 Management

Influential leaders ‘make’ it happen. Setting up systems in your personal and professional life supporting you in achieving your goals. Self-management gives you energy and determination in making things happen. Learn ways to manage yourself, especially when challenges arise.

3 Awareness

Influential leaders display a positive self-awareness. They know themselves very well – their strengths and weaknesses. They are more tuned into others around them and intuitively tune-on much quicker than others. Develop ways to become more aware and mindful in the hustle and bustle of everyday activities.

4 Discipline

Influential leaders practice self-discipline. You will never get to where you want to go if you do not have self-discipline. Identify what’s holding you back from being self-disciplined and how to break through the blockages of moving forward. Develop trust by doing what you say you are going to do.

5 Image

Influential leaders see themselves as winners – they act like winners. They have a powerful personal brand expressing their unique strengths, gifts and talents. They consciously evolve with insight being the full representation of their authentic brand in the face of both challenges and opportunities. Develop ways to create your leadership self-image.

6 Confidence

Influential leaders have developed a strong self-confidence – they weren’t necessarily born this way. With practice, they have learnt to develop high levels of self-worth. Positive self-talk is the key to positive self-confidence. Become conscious about what your self-talk is saying to you all day, every day, and how you can develop natural self-confidence.

7 Expectancy

Influential leaders have a positive self-expectancy enabling them to be better prepared for opportunities. Be aware of what results you expect because you will always attract what you expect. Develop ways to manage and prepare yourself through self-expectancy.

Best Practice – Supportive Habits

Do you ever feel you don’t have any self-control, that your impulses are driving your behaviour? In other words, are you taking actions in a lot of areas in life, but not in the areas that you say are important to you? Remember that we are all made up of our habits. If you want to change your habits, it takes commitment and a conscious practice until the new behaviour becomes a new habit, which supports you. Did you know that it takes 30 consecutive days to change a habit?

For example, you may have set up a goal of wanting to spend more time with your family, but you keep allowing work to get in the way. In this situation, the natural habit is spending extra time doing work.  The first step in changing this habit is to design a new behaviour (action) that will allow you to spend more time with the family. For example, you might allocate Sundays to doing something special with the family, plus you could agree to turn off the phone so that you can fully enjoy the experience. Make sure you communicate this plan to your family so that they can help keep you accountable to your commitment.

I work with many people who want to also have a life outside of work, yet the recurring pattern I see and hear is that they never seem to get on top of things and before they know it, time goes by and they miss out on a lot of what’s important to them. The most common things I hear people say they want to spend more time on are; exercise to improve their health, fitness and increase energy levels, spend quality time with their wife/husband, time to listen and play with their children, quality time with family and time out for themselves.

Notice how easy it is to spend time doing the unimportant things first. You may be concerned about the paperwork that has built up and think that ‘if I just get on top of this one, then I will make time for me and my family’. What do you notice happens? Do you continually feel like you are never on top of things? If so, take a look at the three simple steps on how you can change habits that do not support you in the next section.

The 3 Steps to Changing Habits

Step 1 – Awareness

The first step to change is becoming aware of your habits and what your triggers are. Most of the time we are so busy ‘doing’ life that we do not take time out to become aware of who is it we are, what is it we are doing, how we are doing it and why we are doing it. You will never become aware if you keep on doing whatever you are doing, without becoming consciously aware of your actions. Awareness is the first major step towards change. Once you register your awareness, then you can go to step 2 to accept and release your habits.

Step 2 – Accept and Release

When you become aware of your habits and triggers, it is only then that you can accept and release the habits that do not support you in your life. You accept and release a habit purely by stating that this habit does not support you in your life and you choose to now let it go. It is easy to be attached to a habit because this is the only way you consciously know how to manage your life. The good news is that you taught yourself through habit in the first place and you can choose a new habit at any time. It is normal to feel as though you are stepping into the unknown because that is exactly what takes place in the releasing of habits. This takes us into step 3 of re-creating a new habit to replace the old habit.

Step 3 – Re-Create

This is the fun part, of re-creating your habit. It is important to remember that when changing a habit you must replace it with a new, consciously supportive habit. Consciously choose the new habit you would like to start practising in place of your old habit.

Let’s say your old habit is ‘not listening to people fully’ and you are always ready to speak over them, even before they have finished saying what they wanted to say.

You then may decide for your new habit, that every time someone speaks to you, you will stay totally present, listening to what they have to say – and that you will only answer them after they have stopped speaking. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Try it yourself and notice what happens. The next time you are speaking to someone, you will probably jump right into the conversation and repeat your old habit. You then might walk away, noticing that you did it again and didn’t fully listen. The second time you notice, you want to jump in and you catch yourself. Great, this is the power of becoming consciously present to your actions and reactions. The third time you will become fully conscious and choose your new habit at the beginning of the conversation.

To speed up the process of re-creating yourself, take on the practice of visualising yourself living the new habit in its perfect form now. See yourself being the person you want to be and see yourself having the results you want.

Best Practice – Supportive Habits

Coaching Tip

Become aware of your habits and choose new habits that support your energy and focus each day. The list below may give you some ideas on where to start looking.

  • Communication challenges
  • Career you do not like
  • Not clear on your direction
  • Health problems
  • Money challenges
  • Never enough time to do the things you want to do
  • Always feeling under pressure
  • Not always being honest
  • Lack of energy
  • Family problems
  • Lack of confidence
  • Lack of commitment
  • Being overweight
  • Being argumentative
  • Always worrying about something
  • Giving too much to other people
  • Sense that you have to get ahead
  • Plan to get fit but never do
  • Always wanting to be in control
  • Feelings of being lonely
  • Comparing yourself to others
  • Feelings of not being worthy
  • Weak and submissive behaviour
  • Aggressive and dominating behaviour
  • Not allowing other people to support you
  • Not being organised
  • Not doing what you say I’m going to do
  • Others…
Powerful Success Lies in Savouring the Moment

Enjoy this analogy…

Just imagine the next time you sit down to enjoy a good cup of tea or coffee and really savouring the moment. You must be completely in the present to enjoy your cup of tea or coffee. Only when you are in the present moment can your hands feel the pleasant warmth of the cup. Only in the awareness, can you savour the aroma, taste the fullness of the flavour and really appreciate the delicacy.

If you are thinking about the past or worrying about the future, you will completely miss the experience in the moment of enjoying your cup of tea or coffee. In an instant, you will look down at your cup of tea or coffee and it will be gone.

Life is very much like that.

If you are not fully present in the moment, you will look around and wonder where it has gone. You will have missed the special feelings, wondrous moments, and the beauty of life. It will feel like life is passing you by.

The past is ‘in the past’ and finished. Learn from the experiences of the past and gracefully let it go. The future has not happened yet. Yes, it is important to plan for it, but do not waste your time in the present worrying about it. Worrying is energy zapping and worthless.

When you stop living your life protecting yourself from what has already happened in the past, when you stop worrying about what might never happen in the future, then you will be living in the present moment.  That is when you will begin to experience joy and contentment in your life.

Have you ever experienced driving to a destination and realised you arrived without awareness of the journey! Notice how often you may be pre-occupied thinking about other matters (past or future) and not concentrating on what you are doing in the present moment.

Can you imagine if you had a bank that credits your account every morning with $86,400? What a bonus that would be! Your account carries over no balance every day. Every evening the bank deletes whatever part you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course!

Every one of us has such a bank account. Its name is TIME. Every morning it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance and it allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day’s deposits, the loss is yours.

There is no going back. There is no drawing against tomorrow. You must live in the present on today’s deposits. Invest it wisely and get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success! The clock is running.

Make the most of today. Make the most of NOW.

“We are what we think.

All that we are

Arises with our thoughts

With our thoughts

We make the world.”

(Buddha)

Observe yourself this week and create an appropriate ‘trigger’ which will press you to pay attention to the present…this might be a ring, an ornament, deep breathing, looking up, set the alarm on your phone?

Create an Appreciation List. Each day, list in your journal those things you are grateful for having in your life. Focus on the pleasures and delights of your daily activities and the people who are with you.

Enjoy life to the fullest living in the present.

Annette Stanton

“I see a world where leaders are being called to step up and out - to lead from their authentic self with greater connection.

My mission is to activate revolutionary leadership across the globe where leaders are living their highest vision and purposeful mission every day.”

Contact Annette
  • +61 8 9437 4820
  • annette@annettestanton.com