Ways to Easily Evolve when Facing Life Transitions

You may find yourself going through some sort of transition in life. If so, this is normally not an easy process as you may be facing the challenge of being in the ‘muddle’ of life. One moment feeling like you have it all handled, and the next, wondering what happened!

Who am I now? You may be asking! What are my next steps? What happened to the clarity of direction you may have had in the past? I have often felt like I have hit a brick wall with clarity turning into a haze of uncertainty. On many an occasion when facing transitions in life, I have often caught myself asking these very profound questions.

The most challenging and rewarding path is our evolving transitions in life. Some of the many evolving paths I have personally witnessed is the transition of being married to then going through divorce, from being employed in a large organization to starting my own business, from health and wellbeing challenges to guilt-free self care, from financial security to financial uncertainty and many more.


The Power of Uncertainty and Vulnerability

During these transitional times, my clarity of direction in life always went through a dark tunnel of uncertainty and vulnerability. The truth is, I never made it easy on myself because I would always resist the change. This would cause greater stress, anxiety and overwhelm in my mind and body, which never made it a quicker journey towards reaching a new normal.

I always found that there was light at the end of this dark tunnel when allowing myself to be patient inside of the feelings of uncertainty. As I would continue to focus on what I was certain about inside my life right here and now, this would help me to stay present to what was already working in my life.

I knew my habitual personality was to create strategies and work it all out.  I was committed to doing things differently without the push, strive and drive. To allow new insight and awareness to come to me at the time it is meant to. To trust that there is a powerful learning lesson inside this transition and if I push it, I will only make it harder to learn the lesson.

To remind myself that there is light inside this dark tunnel and not to push for results.

I would remind myself of the saying…

“You may not always get what you think you want,
but you will always get what you need for your highest evolution.”

I always found myself peacefully coming out the other end with greater awareness and insight into the next phase of life with a deeper knowing of what was right for me at that stage of my life.

We know that change and transitioning is a part of life, so why do we sometimes hang on to the same old story keeping us from living a successful and fulfilling life?

If you are hanging on to a story of what success is meant to look like, like I did, then it will take a very long time to see the learning lessons and ways to create a new life with this new awareness, knowledge and insightful wisdom.

When going through the muddle of a life changing transition, it can cause many fearful feelings of self-doubt, overwhelm, disappointment, uncertainty and vulnerability. If you are use to having success in your life, without the challenges that will cause you to gain new insight about yourself, then you may get stuck in your thinking and automatic action processes, limiting your full potential.
 

Are You Really Living your Purposeful Path?

The natural evolution of transitioning is important for the exponential growth of your purpose. You may be on the wrong track and something will interrupt your habitual path in order for you to gain greater insight into your real self. To create the space and time needed, to allow yourself to develop new ways of creating a life and business you love to live from inside out.

For many years, I followed a path of what I thought success looked like. I realized that I had developed this picture due to unmet needs of being liked, accepted, loved, respected, acknowledged, valued etc. When I met those needs intrinsically, that is when I was able to clearly see and feel my purposeful path of inspiring others to tune into being an expression of their real self.

I needed to clean up my own needs to get myself out of the way. In other words, I was able to hear my calling instead of what I thought I needed to do to be successful. This came in the way of clear next steps, one step at a time.


Become Your Own Best Friend

So if you are going through a transition as we speak, allow yourself to feel the space of vulnerability and uncertainty. Become your own best friend inside this space and make sure you do not try to fill the space up with old habits. Feel the space and acknowledge every single feeling coming up inside of you (yes, be with your feelings and do not squash them down or push them aside).

Speak kindly and gently to your fears and doubts with support and guidance just like you would a scared child. This is exactly what I did. Instead of making my feelings wrong and burying them by pushing harder, I decided to become my own best friend and speak to myself with a supportive, kind and loving voice.

If you continue to beat yourself up with the old theory of ‘no pain – no gain’ (like I use to), then you will find yourself trying harder and harder in life to achieve. This will keep you on the treadmill of continually hitting the glass ceiling and feeling exhausted each day. Your health and wellbeing will definitely suffer. This will affect the quality of your relationships at home and at work.

As I mentioned to a colleague this week, who is going through a transition
at this time in her life, to make sure she ‘feels the space’ – ‘not fill the space’.

 

Myth:  Busy is the New Black

Too often I have felt lazy if I was not keeping busy or feeling like I was not being productive. When in actual fact I was living a false sense of productivity. This was my ego habitual self and not the truth to getting to know my whole self.

We are too quick to get on the busy path, instead of allowing the space to guide us one step at a time. Your inspiring vision will come to you when you stay in a state of ease, flow and stillness.

Ask yourself these 5 questions if feeling challenged right now:

  1. What meaning am I making from this event/change?
  2. What am I learning about myself in who I am being and how I am acting or reacting?
  3. Why am I acting this way and what new insight have I gained?
  4. Who do I choose to become now that I know this about myself?
  5. What new actions am I going to take to support my new commitment?
Close the Gap to Living your Vision

Closing the gap between where you are now in life and where you want to be can be challenging. I remember feeling frustrated at times about the size of the gap and wanting changes to happen ‘yesterday’! We tend to forget about the importance of developing a foundation for our new and expansive vision to build on. I often had the feeling of either spinning my wheels and going nowhere fast or feeling I was on a roller coaster, one minute up and the next minute down.

I knew logically how important it was for a building to be secure, with a strong foundation below the surface, so the building can withstand the forces of nature. Yet, even though I knew this, I had never experienced what having a solid foundation felt or looked like until I started taking the consistent steps I needed to take. I just kept moving onto the next project, the next vision, the next goal etc.

Then I hit rock bottom…everything changed all of a sudden…

Going through an emotional divorce, my health suffered and my business flat-lined.  Facing the challenge of starting all over again, I began to do the things that were important to me first and giving myself plenty of space for clarity to explore ‘where to from here’. This was different from my usual pattern, to push on regardless – I knew how to do that so well!

Hitting rock bottom or going through a challenging time can be really tough. The last thing you want is to be in this position. I certainly didn’t! But I knew that the old way of doing things was not working for me at this stage in my personal and professional life.

I decided to tune into my heart and not let logic and rationale run my life. This was so foreign and pretty scary at the time, but I persisted and allowed myself to feel this different way of being. In a short period of time, I transformed my personal and professional life for the better, which I would never have achieved if I kept doing it the same old way.

As time went by and I consistently took actions that made my heart sing, I noticed how I started to get out of my head and listen to the guidance of my heart. Yes, I began to become my own best friend and to feel rock solid about which I was and what I wanted in my life, in a way I never had before.

The most miraculous experience for me was the realisation that while I had a strong foundation in my sporting life, I had never truly had a foundation in my personal or professional life. I was so excited because I finally felt I had something to build on, something which would never leave me because I was standing on solid ground.

Wow! What a fantastic experience this now is in my life, as I can manage challenges that come my way with much more flow and ease. No more roller coasters in my life – I know what I prefer! This applies to all areas of life. Develop a foundation, and you will experience a calm inner strength to face the daily challenges because you have something solid to stand on that will not waiver.

Build strong foundations

Building Strong Foundations

I remember when I started my first business as a personal trainer and coach in 1994, how excited I was because I had a vision of helping people bring out their best physically, emotionally and spiritually. I ran my business on sheer passion, based on this compelling vision. As the years went by, the excitement of my passion and vision started to dim – and I felt exhausted.

The turning point for me was when I became aware that while I was very good at helping people with their own personal health, fitness and ways to balance their life, the last thing I focussed on was doing it for myself.

There were two missing links for me. Firstly, I did not do the key things needed for my health, fitness and balance. Secondly, I did not have my business systems set strongly in place as my foundation for the business. Remember the story of the plumber who is very good at fixing everyone else’s leaky taps, but never makes time to fix his own leaky taps at home? Sound familiar to you? It is important to have a foundation in every area of your life for you to have a fulfilling and sustainable life. If you have a leaky tap in one area, it will affect the other areas.

I started to write down where I was spending my time and those areas I wanted to make time for. As I became more aware of where I wasted time and the areas I truly felt inspired, this was how the 5 pillars to life success came about for me to which I live by each day. I needed a simple formula that would support me in expressing my whole self.

The 5 Pillars to Life Success

  • Personal
  • Career/Business
  • Wellness
  • Self-Leadership
  • Financial

Take a look at the 5 pillars in your life and see how your foundation is set up. Are you standing on solid ground or are there areas you would like to focus on building up?

Start building your strong foundations and make sure you close the gap from where you are today to living your vision with clarity. I have created a Free-Flow Zone Assessment that will support you in cleaning up your life and build strong foundations.

Click on the resource link and scroll down to the Free-Flow Zone Assessment and give yourself a score out of 100. Let me know how you go.

Resources

Looking through the Magnifying Glass

One of the most common things I hear from people I coach in the first three months of their coaching journey is that they are seeing more and more areas in their professional and personal life that they feel they need to clear up – areas they were not even aware of!

This is quite normal when looking at change and wanting to transform those areas that may not be working for you. I call it ‘looking through the magnifying glass’. All of a sudden, you feel as if everything is right in your face and needs to be dealt with as soon as possible for you to move forward.

For example, you may want to spend more time with your family and doing other things important to you, yet your time is locked into your business life.

As you begin to take a closer look into what is not working in your personal and business life, you might realise you have challenges in areas like staff not taking on the roles and responsibilities you hired them for in the first place, identifying all the areas where you are crossing your own boundaries, high expectations of self and others, doing everything yourself and not asking for support, etc. No wonder your time is locked up in your professional life, giving you no space and time for flexibility and freedom.

‘The key to persistence is to focus on your vision, tune into your values and stay on your path at all times. Do not get swayed by other people’s vision and values.’

This is when it is easy for frustration; resignation and a sense of being overwhelmed can overtake your commitment. The key is to always remember that whatever you are looking at in your life is being looked at through a magnifying glass, giving the illusion that it is bigger than it really is. This occurs because when you start to focus and take action on things in your life that you would like to achieve, there will always be areas that you were not previously aware of, that also need to be managed to take you to the next step of achievement.

Coaching Tip – Gaining Clarity and Direction

Whenever I go into those feelings of frustration and being overwhelmed, one of the things that help to clarify my thoughts and focus is to get a blank sheet of paper and write down everything that is filling my head.

Try this – get it all out of your head and break it down into bite-size action pieces. This will take away the magnified illusion and will also free you from the magnified feelings.

‘Overwhelm’ and ‘frustration’ are the most common words I hear at the start of a coaching session, but after breaking down the challenges by writing them down, they quickly turn into ‘clarity’ and ‘direction’.

Staying focussed on your vision, mission and values is paramount when it comes to sustainable success as a champion leader.

I hope you enjoyed this article.

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Annette Stanton

“I see a world where leaders are being called to step up and out - to lead from their authentic self with greater connection.

My mission is to activate revolutionary leadership across the globe where leaders are living their highest vision and purposeful mission every day.”

Contact Annette
  • +61 8 9437 4820
  • annette@annettestanton.com