Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

When you compare yourself to others, in that very instant you may possibly be negating yourself and what you have already achieved in your life.

I remember my coach saying,

“Don’t compare other people’s outside world, to your inside world”.

You really do not know what is going on in their world, or whether they are truly happy, especially when you compare yourself to another person and what they have materially.

For example, you might notice a colleague who looks and acts confidently with external material success and you catch yourself saying “Where’s my success, I work just as hard” or “I wish I could be as confident as him/her”. Only you know those moments that really hit you in the stomach.

Next time you catch yourself in this position, notice your tone of voice as to if it has a negative charge of hope and wishful thinking. Behind this emotive feeling is generally a put-down of your own capabilities, your own potential to achieve in life.

The thing that you may not be aware of is that the other person is probably comparing themselves to you – about some completely different area of inadequacy within themselves. We all have our own inadequacies.

The day you stop comparing and start to acknowledge
the strengths and good fortune of others will be the day
you unleash your unique attributes.

Just notice how the more you keep comparing, the further away from you that good fortune gets. You will not receive that which you do not acknowledge within yourself. So next time you notice yourself comparing, catch yourself and acknowledge others for their good looks, qualities, possessions, good fortune etc.

For example, the next time you see a confident and successful person, say in a positive tone of voice, “Wow! That’s for me!” Start to get excited about the fact that you have attracted this quality into your life just by seeing it in others, for this is normally an indication that you are ready to unleash what’s already inside of you.

The sooner you choose to acknowledge others, the sooner the things you see in their lives will show up in your own life. Creating a supportive self-image will accelerate your growth and transform your life for the better.

Create a Supportive Self-Image

What is your perception of yourself? This can be a challenging question to ask. How you feel, see and think about yourself is everything. Self-image is not something that just happens to you; it is that all-important concept you have of yourself. Having a negative self-image will create a negative outcome when you try to move towards achieving your goals. The good news is that you can change your self-image, your personality and your behaviours.

If you see yourself as a winner in life and you act like a winner, then all areas of your life will begin to flow. Use strong images with pictures, feelings and words with the roles you want to play in life. What you see for yourself, is what you attract, and what you feel within yourself, is who you are.

Take the time to identify how you see yourself and how you truly feel about yourself. As you become conscious of who you want to become, you can make the change.

How I Developed Self-Confidence – My Affirmation Story

Yes, you can change your life. I know this is a very profound statement and I say it because I have done it myself. Until I was about 30 years old, I was so shy that I hardly ever spoke, and I lived a lot of my life in my head. My only self-expression was through my physical body, as an excellent sportswoman.

I started to wonder why I could express myself naturally as a sportswoman, but not in my personal and professional life. This was a challenge to me because at that time I spent a lot of my life worrying about my past (which I could not do anything about) or thinking about the future (which had not even occurred yet).

As I observed myself in my sporting arena, what stood out the most was that I had to respond to the plays spontaneously in the moment, otherwise the opportunity was lost. That was my breakthrough! I was 100% present in the moment on and off the field as the captain coach, leading the team and holding on to the higher purpose of the game. Obviously, I had trained my level of fitness and skills to respond quickly.

My greatest challenge in my personal and professional life was living in the present moment. Once I started to practise being present, I began to hear my predominantly negative self-statements, which were obviously based on my fears of all the ‘what ifs’ (which, by the way, never happened). What a waste of energy and time in my life that was!

I decided it was time to get serious about this positive self-statement stuff! I admit I was still a little apprehensive about affirmations because I had attempted to do them a few years before, without success. Now I realise that I had always done them in a very reactive state when I either felt negative or frustrated and that I’d soon given up, wondering why affirmations never worked for me.

Once I began to do my affirmations more effectively, I decided to keep saying them, as I knew the conscious mind would only take on the thoughts and words I consistently told myself. This eventually became a natural part of who I am and how I live my life, as a new and rewarding habit.

How I developed self confidence

I will take you through the steps I took that helped me make the changes. To get the maximum from my experience, why not go through the steps with me now? I have used the true-life example of developing my self-confidence in my personal and professional life.

Step 1   I wrote down the negative head talk and became conscious of what I was automatically saying to myself, about myself and others.

E.g.        “I am not confident” . . . “I wish I looked and acted confidently like her or him” . . . “I am not very good at . . .”

Step 2   Then I changed the wording of those negative self-statements into positive present tense affirmations and wrote them on palm cards to keep in the office, car, fridge etc. as a reminder.

E.g.        I am confident

I act confidently

I am great at . . .

Step 3   I chose to say the affirmations as many times as possible during my day no matter what. I said them with feeling, emotion and belief, as though I had already achieved them.

Tip: Choose a maximum of three affirmations to say each time. If you do not feel comfortable with the affirmation, you may need to change the wording to suit you. Keep saying your chosen affirmations until you feel you own them and your life begins to show up that way.

Step 4   I asked myself, “Who do I need to become to achieve this?” Then I made a list of what confident people do, how they act, what they wear, how they walk. I started taking on all those actions, like walking tall down the street looking people in the eyes, smiling and acting confidently (yes, fake it until you make it – definitely works), speaking to people even when I felt nervous.

How I Developed Self-Confidence – My Affirmation Story

With daily commitment in practising to be confident, I built a new habit, which changed my life, and I naturally became confident. The new me went from being a shy person to becoming a public speaker, moving interstate and developing my first business, stepping out of my comfort zone and participating in adventurous events such as jumping out of a plane; skydiving, white water rafting, half marathons, travelling the world, just to mention a few.

I cannot tell you how long or short a time it took because there was no line to cross over that marked the difference between ‘shy’ and ‘confident’. I remember one day just noticing how confident I now was and it felt so natural and humbling.

We are all made up of our habits. I decided to make being confident a new habit, purely by taking on new behaviours and acting out ‘confidence’ until it became a part of who I naturally am today.

If I can do it, I know you can too. Think about what habit you would like to change and start taking on the new actions until they are a part of who you are. Does a little part of my shyness still pop up in my life every so often? Yes! Of course, it does and in that moment I remind myself that I am not committed to being that way.

Who are you committed to being in your life?

Become an Influential Leader who Inspires Others

Let’s talk about leadership, and more importantly; what influential leadership is really all about.

I was speaking with a business leader last week at a networking function and when the discussion of leadership came up, this woman put her hand on her heart and said to me “true leadership is from the inside out”. She is absolutely right.

Are you being the ‘leader of your ship’ in your personal and professional life?

When I approach this subject inside a coaching conversation, the perception of what leadership is to each individual is varied and wide. Some of the most common responses are:  being a strong communicator to lead others effectively, clarity in making quick decisions, a clear direction in business, control and authority of team effectiveness.

Yes, absolutely these traits play a big part in being an influential leader, yet there are paramount qualities that most business leaders do not take the time to acquire.

Many leaders have been trained a certain way and have taken the role as a leader without becoming aware of their own evolving path. In other words, trying to work harder with new knowledge and new actions, expecting new results.

I continually witness leaders hitting the glass ceiling because they are taking new action that is not sustainable to the success of their vision and mission.

Now is the time for leaders to challenge the status quo and step into the revolutionary leadership style in order to bust through the glass ceiling for good.

What seems to be overlooked when it comes to becoming an influential leader is knowing who you are, what your inspiring vision is and taking right action in accordance with your powerful why.

Influential leadership is all about you knowing yourself well enough with a strong personal and professional foundation, so much so, that others are affected just by who you are ‘being’. Become mindful of your actions and the words you speak as they play a major part in being an inspiring, persuasive and innovative leader.

Have you ever met someone, and before you have spoken to them, you just know there is something about them that seems impressive and stands out from the crowd? This is called ‘presence’. Those leaders with great presence will be on the leading edge of this revolutionary leadership path.

In the busy, fast pace of business and life today, standing out from the crowded market in an authentic and connected manner is paramount. Leaders are evolving very quickly and if they are not consciously connected with who they are, why you do what you do, and what makes you unique; you will get left behind.

There are 7 top qualities that the most influential leaders throughout the world utilise, giving them the edge as an influential leader who naturally inspires others.

1 Direction

Influential leaders all have the developed trait of self-direction. They have created a game plan for their whole life. They have a clear vision and mission and have set goals based on their values and consistently work towards them until they are achieved. Identify what your self-direction is and create a plan on how to achieve it.

2 Management

Influential leaders ‘make’ it happen. Setting up systems in your personal and professional life supporting you in achieving your goals. Self-management gives you energy and determination in making things happen. Learn ways to manage yourself, especially when challenges arise.

3 Awareness

Influential leaders display a positive self-awareness. They know themselves very well – their strengths and weaknesses. They are more tuned into others around them and intuitively tune-on much quicker than others. Develop ways to become more aware and mindful in the hustle and bustle of everyday activities.

4 Discipline

Influential leaders practice self-discipline. You will never get to where you want to go if you do not have self-discipline. Identify what’s holding you back from being self-disciplined and how to break through the blockages of moving forward. Develop trust by doing what you say you are going to do.

5 Image

Influential leaders see themselves as winners – they act like winners. They have a powerful personal brand expressing their unique strengths, gifts and talents. They consciously evolve with insight being the full representation of their authentic brand in the face of both challenges and opportunities. Develop ways to create your leadership self-image.

6 Confidence

Influential leaders have developed a strong self-confidence – they weren’t necessarily born this way. With practice, they have learnt to develop high levels of self-worth. Positive self-talk is the key to positive self-confidence. Become conscious about what your self-talk is saying to you all day, every day, and how you can develop natural self-confidence.

7 Expectancy

Influential leaders have a positive self-expectancy enabling them to be better prepared for opportunities. Be aware of what results you expect because you will always attract what you expect. Develop ways to manage and prepare yourself through self-expectancy.

Annette Stanton

“I see a world where leaders are being called to step up and out - to lead from their authentic self with greater connection.

My mission is to activate revolutionary leadership across the globe where leaders are living their highest vision and purposeful mission every day.”

Contact Annette
  • +61 8 9437 4820
  • annette@annettestanton.com