Reaction Mode: Are you Meeting your Needs?

It can be very frustrating going through life trying to get your Needs met by others without satisfaction. This can feel like an emotional roller coaster at times if you are continually expecting others to meet your Needs.

Notice whether you have ever communicated your Needs to the people important in your life because it is easy to assume they should know what your Needs are if they care and love you. Everyone has different Needs and it is imperative that you communicate these to stop any unfulfilled expectations you may have.

The first step to getting your Needs met is to become aware about what they are. The next step is to take responsibility in meeting your own Needs and also to communicate these with the people you feel safe with, who will help you get them met.

Once you begin to get your Needs met on a regular basis, there will come a time when you will notice your Needs will automatically be met because you have set up your life in a way that you, and the people around you, will support, encourage and believe in you and your goals.

Between your Stimulus and your Response

YOU have the power to CHOOSE.

I would like to take you through the journey I took when first identifying my Needs. This was at the time in my life when I was going through a divorce and recreating my own vision as a single woman taking a good look at what was truly important to me. I was also in transition of setting up my international coaching business with the intention of getting off to a strong start according to my life and business vision, values and passion to create a sustainable business.

In answering the Getting your Needs Met questions, I must say that I did find this quite a challenge because I had to get honest with myself about what I truly needed in my life, to be my best. As I became more aware of what my Needs were, I then took responsibility in communicating what I needed and set up my life automatically for these to be met.

List of Needs

Approval
Being valued
Fulfillment
Love
Security
Respect
Sincerity
Recognition
Communication
Comfort
Being taken care of
Honesty
Inclusion
Accomplishment
Listened to
Feeling worthy
Clarity
Peace
Being needed
Control
Affecting others
Being cared about
Prosperity
Balance
Consistency
Luxury
Power
Safety
Acknowledgement
Compliments
Being busy
Pleasing others
Performance

A need is not a want, a wish or a should. It is something you need in order to be your best and to live your life to your fullest potential.

A tip on how to identify your needs is to look into your life and notice where you may react, for example, turn away from people, get angry, gossip, withhold love, not communicate something that is bothering you, not being totally honest, feel disrespected etc.

Getting your Needs Met

List your top 4 Needs and answer the following questions.

  • Why is this Need important for it to be my personal Need?
  • When I get this Need met, who do I become and how do I act?
  • How do I feel about myself, about others and about life when I do not get this Need met?
  • Where am I getting this Need met and where am I not getting this need met?
  • What 3 changes am I willing to make to get this Need fully met?

It is important to know that we all have Needs at different times in our lives. Every 12 months I redo the Needs questions to see if there are any Needs I feel I want to focus on to be at my best consistently. So if you find yourself reacting to a situation in your life, there will always be an unmet Need just under the surface screaming to be met. This is a great time to sit down and identify what that need is and answer the questions on Getting your Needs Met.

Summary in Getting your Needs Met

  1. List your top 4 Needs.
  2. Answer the 5 questions outlined in Getting your Needs Met section.
  3. Design an automatic reminder based on Question 5: actions on getting your Needs met with support of a trusted friend, family member or coach.

If you are ready to breakthrough reaction mode and get your needs met faster than what you would on your own, contact me to discuss your requirements http://annettestanton.com/contact/

Annette Stanton 
With over 35 years experience being on the leading edge, Master Coach, Transformational Leader, Speaker, Author of The Power of Vision – I am passionate about coaching you to gain clarity of vision, develop confidence to unleash your full potential and live with freedom in your personal and business life.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

When you compare yourself to others, in that very instant you may possibly be negating yourself and what you have already achieved in your life.

I remember my coach saying,

“Don’t compare other people’s outside world, to your inside world”.

You really do not know what is going on in their world, or whether they are truly happy, especially when you compare yourself to another person and what they have materially.

For example, you might notice a colleague who looks and acts confidently with external material success and you catch yourself saying “Where’s my success, I work just as hard” or “I wish I could be as confident as him/her”. Only you know those moments that really hit you in the stomach.

Next time you catch yourself in this position, notice your tone of voice as to if it has a negative charge of hope and wishful thinking. Behind this emotive feeling is generally a put-down of your own capabilities, your own potential to achieve in life.

The thing that you may not be aware of is that the other person is probably comparing themselves to you – about some completely different area of inadequacy within themselves. We all have our own inadequacies.

The day you stop comparing and start to acknowledge
the strengths and good fortune of others will be the day
you unleash your unique attributes.

Just notice how the more you keep comparing, the further away from you that good fortune gets. You will not receive that which you do not acknowledge within yourself. So next time you notice yourself comparing, catch yourself and acknowledge others for their good looks, qualities, possessions, good fortune etc.

For example, the next time you see a confident and successful person, say in a positive tone of voice, “Wow! That’s for me!” Start to get excited about the fact that you have attracted this quality into your life just by seeing it in others, for this is normally an indication that you are ready to unleash what’s already inside of you.

The sooner you choose to acknowledge others, the sooner the things you see in their lives will show up in your own life. Creating a supportive self-image will accelerate your growth and transform your life for the better.

Create a Supportive Self-Image

What is your perception of yourself? This can be a challenging question to ask. How you feel, see and think about yourself is everything. Self-image is not something that just happens to you; it is that all-important concept you have of yourself. Having a negative self-image will create a negative outcome when you try to move towards achieving your goals. The good news is that you can change your self-image, your personality and your behaviours.

If you see yourself as a winner in life and you act like a winner, then all areas of your life will begin to flow. Use strong images with pictures, feelings and words with the roles you want to play in life. What you see for yourself, is what you attract, and what you feel within yourself, is who you are.

Take the time to identify how you see yourself and how you truly feel about yourself. As you become conscious of who you want to become, you can make the change.

Results in Life: Become the CEO of your Mind and your Life

When I first heard the statement ‘your thoughts and your words create your world’, I admit to having major resistance. There was no way I wanted to believe that I was responsible for everything that happened to me!

How could my thoughts and my words be responsible for the way my life went? I decided to test it out. I began to imagine there was another ‘Annette’ hovering above my head in a helicopter as I went through my day, observing the words I spoke and the thoughts that went through my mind. I called this my ‘360 degree helicopter view’.

The first thing I noticed was how challenging it was to keep reminding myself of my mission. It is so easy to go into automatic pilot with our everyday habits, actions and thoughts. When I did become more conscious of the thoughts going through my mind each day, I was astonished how much I was saying to myself that really did not serve me.

So then my mission became to catch myself every time I had a negative thought and replace this with a supportive positive thought. Sometimes I would even write down the negative thoughts so that I could become conscious of the thinking process that was really running my life.

This must have been the most challenging, yet very rewarding start to becoming consciously aware of my thoughts and the words I spoke. I found this equation really helped me :

Your Thoughts = Your Feelings = Your Actions = Your Results.

Results in Life

Your thoughts and language are made up of a string of words (this can be positive or negative). Your thoughts and language will always give you a positive or negative feeling. Your positive or negative feelings will inspire you to take an action or no action. Your action or no action will always give you a positive or negative result in life.

Results in Life:  Become the CEO of your Mind and your Life

Consciously choose your thoughts and feelings every day to be what you want your results to be in life.

Identify what you are repeating to yourself about yourself on a daily basis. As soon as you become conscious of this, you can choose a positive self-statement to replace it with.

Start being your own best friend by changing your thoughts and your language towards yourself and others. Once you get rid of the negative head talk and change to positive supportive statements, you will change your life. Take on the motto of playing ‘positive FM’ instead of ‘negative FM’.

Transform your Life and Business to New Heights

Are you interested, or even curious, about how The Coach Approach can transform your business and personal life? Become the game changer today!

Ask about my One on One Coaching Programs,  Group Coaching Programs and Workshops for individuals, teams and organisations.

With over 35 years of coaching and mentoring experience working with executives, business owners, coaches and entrepreneurs, I will coach you to gain clarity of direction and partner you in taking action towards living your inspirational vision with confidence, presence and freedom.

Contact Annette today for an introductory coaching session email: http://annettestanton.com/contact/

Annette Stanton

“I see a world where leaders are being called to step up and out - to lead from their authentic self with greater connection.

My mission is to activate revolutionary leadership across the globe where leaders are living their highest vision and purposeful mission every day.”

Contact Annette
  • +61 8 9437 4820
  • annette@annettestanton.com